All about Moi...(07/06/00)

So you wanna know what the asshole who wrote this site looks like??

Name: EvilKris

Age: 23


Status: Okay so this is the guy you need to set your sniper cross-hair on.

I'm now studying on a Japanese/Computer Science joint degree course at a certain Uni in Oxford called Oxford Brookes. No, not that Oxford University. What do you think they've got a lack of dip-shits there or something? No, Oxford Brookes is where all the dumb schmucks like myself end up when they don't study hard enough. But naturally if people ask the reply is "Yes I did study in Oxford".
Actually I nearly did a double-take when I read the part in the Brookes prospectus concerning studying the Japanese language - "Candidates will be required in their third year to study at a university in the country of their chosen language". Me in a Japanese university??!! Without supervision? What madness is this?..With thousands of eager babes all dying to have conversation exchange (read: anatomical lessons) with a native speaker of English??!!
Man, talk about letting the fox loose on the chickens..The prospectus should've read:
You will be going to Japan were you will try to study but in fact will actually spend all your time scoping babes and hanging out at gaijin-bars, never turning up to language class, and generally make a fool of yourself and disgracing your countries reputation by getting into fighters with Japanese bikers, only to come home and write a pathetic thesis about 'Japanese Females and the Kitty-Chan Paradox'.
Actually I'm happy that I'm taking up this kind of course, because I had always fancied studying Japanese intensively.

And yes, I do shit my pants that my tutors will find this page, but as long as they don't tell me and it doesn't affect my marks, good reading to them.
Why'd you start Young Dudes??: - I was tired of reading old farts talking about haiku, and decided that the world needed a site that would tell it how it is in Japan. You know, Japanese don't all practice tea-making and meditate to strengthen their chi every day or some crap. There's some very young, hip people out there. I was amazed that nobody had decided to write about the things that amazed me when I went to Japan, or they weren't discussed on the net. I didn't want to make something filthy, or mysoginistic, just a site where people could read about parts of Japan that are fascinating, and the crazy shit you don't usually hear about. I know that whenever I go to a new place, the first thing I check out is the clubs, girls, shops etc. I like to make comparisons. I couldn't find any site about Japan that highlighted these enough. Also, I wanted to create a forum for similar minded people to me, to talk about the more risque aspects of Japan, not in the kind of "Yellow Babes Rule" level of conversation, but on a more serious tone. And it's worked out pretty well so far. I've met a nice bunch of boys and girls from the forum, and it's great that the www has brought us all together in that way.
What do you like about Japan??: - Simply put, Japan's a country full of nutters. And I mean that in the kindest definition. The dedication that they put into their business lives is easily equalled by what they put into their social lives. Where else can you go where people go to massive lengths to dress up like their favourite video-game characters so that they can dance the night away at their local night-club? girls sell their pants to companies to make extra cash to look like their favourite actresses..famous actors appear on television doing advertisements so inane that they have to have them banned from being shown in the West..Just Japan dudes! Just Japan!..Spruce this up with fantastic food, beautiful scenery, incredible women, Blade Runner-like cities, and you've got a recipe for an bodacious place to visit, or even go to live. If you've just stepped off to plane, prepare to widen your horizons, it may seem like I've made out Japan to be a paradise on earth on this site, but only in my eyes. The Japan experience brings with it its own interpretations for the individual. Some will go mad in Japan in under a month, returning home with some nasty culture shock, some will try to make it as an English teacher, and burn out before returning to their country six months later with some nice memories and a few photos. Some will try to go expat, but get too caught up in the ethnocentricity of the Japanese, starting Japan and thinking it as rascist. Only if you're an outsider in your own country can you truly feel at home in Japan, and for many it is just a temporary dreamland that they could never actually live in. As for me? I don't worry about that shit I'm just gonna get my ass back there and think about it later. Probably when I'm dead.
Favourite music: First choice - has to go to Queen of course. Why did so few people realise that they were the greatest band this century? Forget all the talent we've got around these days, oh sorry, what talent? the one. the only, Queen. Freddie Mercury had the voice closest to perfection ever. 'Ooooh, let me feel your heartbeat, grow faster, faster-' you've just gotta love Queen, wherever you come from. Some of the songs really helped ease the pain as I grew up. Lines like 'light another cigarette, and let yourself go. Cause it's all right, don't play hard to get, it's a free world, all you have to do is fall in love, play the game-' aaah man, if you get dumped by the girl of your dreams the doctor should seriously prescribe some Queen to get that chick outta your head. Stuff like this makes me proud to be British....

Favourite movie: Damn, now that's a hard question eh? Deer Hunter always comes into my mind, cause ending was just so sad, perfect with John Williams Cavatina in the background. Vamp. Hanabi and Violent Cop. True Romance was very me, the kind of style I'd make a movie in, and if you wanna know what I'm like in real life, then Clarence Boddiker's a pretty good figure of comparison. Farewell My Concubine was good dramatically. Rocky, all of them. Aliens. Titanic. Nothing like a well-produced, big budget, top talent Hollywood movie to take away the pain.

My Favourite Oriental Birds: Lot's of yummy birds over there. Vivian Wu is quite shagadelic in some ways, she looked especially slutty (which I like!) in The Pillow Book, with Ewan McGregor. Tia Carrera's quite a babe with a personality to match! Hawaian dream girl calling!. I don't know. I see better-looking Asian chicks every day in Oxford though.. Likes: Well, I like girls if you hadn't already guessed. James Bond (Connery was the best) - BTW have you ever tried reading any of the original James Bond novels by Ian Fleming. You'll be hooked on them I swear it, now I know why they were made into movies. Travelling. And I like people who are genuine, you know, not fulla shit. If they say, hey Kris, if you come to my country you can stay at my place 'till you get on your feet. If they say that, they better not be lying, cos I I'll get pissed.

Non-asian chicks that are fit then: Alright, Naomi Campbell (Hey how you doin'??), Aaliyah that bird from Romeo Must Die, and Elizabeth Hurley. I really go for Latin chicks too, like Jennifer Lopez. Girls with big brown eyes drive me crazy.

Dislikes: People who do as they're told, never question the system, and just study, eat, shit, study more and go to bed. You know, the idea of jetting around the world with nothing but 100 in traveller's cheques and a few address's is as remote to them as not having potatoes with their roast beef at dinner-time. I mean, not that studying to acquire knowledge is a bad thing, but these people just don't seem to realise that we're not all meant to be clones for the system. And the better jobs are gonna go to the more inventive types, who studied their ass off in their spare time doing 3d programming or reading about business from books like What They Don't Teach You at Harvard Business Scool. Those people you see in packs on their way to class, always with their friends, always having to be a part of a group.. Trust me, they're there just to fill in the blanks man. Fair enough, we need our bankers, accountants, insurance salesmen (okay we don't need that one).. but that doesn't mean I have to like 'em, I have a real struggle trying to hold a five minute conversation with these people...At the end of the day, nothing annoys me more than talking to someone who's never done anything or been anywhere in their life. Oh God, please fire a lightning bolt up my ass if I ever go the way of the corporate 9-5'ver..Have I done bitching yet? what d'you say?. You want some? AYE! AYE!!

So what do you wanna do with your LIFE Kris?: I want to become a multi-billionaire corporate take-over businessman, living in a mansion with my butler Geoffrey . At night-time I'll don my cape and suit of armour and go out doing good deeds, and fighting criminals around the streets of Gotham. Hang on, no, that's Batman. Oh me? oh I just wanna be a bum. Find some sly way to make a million, and spend the rest of my life bumming around the beaches of Japan surfing and getting drunk with my future babe and make up excuses to my family as to why I never work. Well, you know, actually I'd love to be a writer. I'd like to write a book about Japan and in fact I'm trying to do so. Failing that I'd at least like to live in Japan, and scrape by on whatever income I've got coming in - as long as I'm in that country. I have a lot of ideas, but I'm kind of afraid of becoming a 'gonna-do-this-one-day' guy. Money's never been a bother to me and I get my greatest joy out of making those around me happy. I want to pay back all the dudes that've interjected when I've been travelling and saved my ass from certain deportation when I've been broke around Japan and the USA.
Buuuuut probably I'll just become one of those homeless dudes you see walking around with a baby-pram full of Pepsi Cola cans, making squawking noises at people who walk by.

It'd be nice to say to my future son one day, Robert De Niro style:
'Son, you know what..I'm a bum. That means you're the son of a bum. And what's more -'
- pointing up to the skies:
'Your grand-daddy was a bum..he made us proud that old bashtard. So, ya see, you come from two generations of bums, so don't ever believe you have to work hard, as being a loser is second nature to us Dunlops, ya'hear. It's in your blood okay?' Then I'd give him a good old slap on the back and say:
'Life's a holiday my lad, happy 18th - here's your first welfare cheque.'

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