Nightlife in Sapporo

dmittedly, this page is a little out of date. I haven't been in Sapporo for a good two years now, and without a doubt some of the places mentioned here don't exist anymore, or are running under a different name. So, it's up to you guys to fill me in on the details okay? That's not much to ask in return for reading this site now is it? Come on guys. Anyway, here you are:

Rad Brothers - The ultimate gaijin hang-out! Ask any gaijin in Sapporo about the weirdest place to go and he/she'll direct you to Rad. It's the kind of place where all the night owl weirdos go to party until 6am at weekends. I had kind of a love-hate relationship with Rad, because some weekends it was just too strange, with guys dancing naked on the tables and shit and there's nothing to put you off your Asahi then some guys 3 incher in your face. But at Rads you can meet some of the very coolest people in Sapporo. I came across hostesses, strippers, hookers, famous musicians, millionaires, queers, steers, you name it. I remember meeting some Japanese who'd studied abroad - believe me, you haven't laughed until you see a Japanese trying to do an impression of Taxi Driver "You lookin' at me? You must be looking at me cos theres nobody else here!? Shitheel.." Bloody hilarious!!. I picked up a lot of girls here, I mean, don't forget it is obviously a gaijin bar, and so you've got to question the motives of any Japanese chicks or guys going there, as I'd say most of them are looking for love of the Caucasian persuasion, the only problem being you tend to find a lot of the nutcase women here, you know the type, artistic types that get out of bed at midnight and believe that every conversation has to be radical, and question they're whole meaning of life every second of the day. These chicks can be a pain in the ass, but they're okay for a lay. Anyway, Rad is the kind of place you go to chill and have a tequila as the sun comes up and nothing really kicks off until late, but once it does you'll know it, as there is no crazier place to be in Sapporo than Friday night in Rads after 11. It's located around South 5, or, just along the main road that leads into Susikino, quite close to Nakajima Koen. With any luck the gay black guy who constantly hovers around the bar has died by now.
350 Yen Bar - Not so much of a foreign bar but still you can find a plethora of Joe Yankee's in there due to the amount of party-going, hostess chicks there every night. My and my buddies used to go there at around 9 on a Friday night and it would always be packed full of ko-gyaru (see Types of Chick), so there isn't many brain-cells floating around, but plenty of visuals. It's also got a good Nomi-hodai (all you can drink) for 1500 Yen, which has about 50 cocktails to choose from. They always give gaijin the English menu, which only has about 10 cheap-ass drinks on it and personally I reckon this is a ploy to stop the heavy-drinking foreigners from sucking away the clubs profits. Don't be fooled, look at the Japanese menu, which is written in katakana, an easier to read version of Japanese. You see, Japanese choose a Nomi-hodai instead of just buying drinks a round at a time, but usually they can only stomach 4-5 drinks before they get shit-faced, whereas foreign blokes will just keep clocking them back until they die from cyrhossis. Knowing this our crafty little yellow brothers decide to put the cheap drinks on the English menu, and the better ones are saved for the Japanese version which most foreigners can't read. Notice the slow service on nomi-hodai as well. But with the kind of females you find in the place, who's complaining?
There are two 350's, one on the main street in Susikino (same as Rad), around South 2, ah I don't know..you'll find it.
Bazoku - I don't think it's called this anymore, but a lot of gaijin know it by this name, because that's what it's famous for. It's pretty difficult to find actually, so here you go - From the main road where Rad and 350 are find Tanuki Koji (the overhead arcade) and walk down and you will see eventually see a side street to the right with a SUNKUS convenience store. Sunkus = "Thanks" in Japanese pronounciation (SA-N-KUS) geddit? Took me months before I worked that clicked.. Bazoku is in the building on that street with the steps leading down like a jazz bar. It isn't a bad little joint, and a lions share of the clientele are older married foreigners, so it's always interesting to chat to an expat about life in Japan as a native. The food is cheap which is one thing, but to be honest you don't get too many honeys that frequent the place, but there are a lot of live bands and friendly people. Personally, give me dance music and associated women over that anyday, but whatever tilts your kilt, right?
Beifutei - I really don't know why this place is popular with some gaijin, as I checked it out after quite a few people recommended it, and it turned out to be just some dive with expensive drinks (that are taxed) and food that really doesn't justify the price tag put on it. I can honestly say the only good think about Beifutei is that the owner looks cool, like a Japanese version of a Hells Angel. Apparently, a lot of English and Scottish guys go there at around 7:30 and 12 on Friday nights, but they're the kind of unfortunate foreigners who believe they own Japan and so I wouldn't expect any friendly smiles if you try to approach them. If I haven't written it already, you'll read it more than once on this site, Japan is full of plenty of foreign losers. See the Far Away Freds section in Weird Foreigners in Japan. Beifutei is on South 2, West 3. Not highly recommended.
Sassenach Cafe - I'd be amazed if this is still around two years after I've left Sapporo. The place is run by a salt-of-the-earth Kent bloke called David who is as friendly as they come, and who after calling me a twat for not knowing that Sassenach was 'Englishman' in Gaelic kept me chuckling for hours about his travels around the States and Japan and how he'd managed to get illegal visas for both countries by asking female friends he knew to marry him. He told me he'd be coming back to England in 2 or 3 years, so if Sassenach's non-existent now you'll know why. It is/was a traditional English cafe where you can buy fish & chips, tea, scones, bacon & eggs, you know the drill. I didn't have the heart to tell Dave I thought selling English food abroad was a recipe for failure, but anyhow he seemed to get the rent paid on time, and besides what made him money was not the day-intake but the theme nights there every so often that were usually huge successes. I've got some really good memories of this place, as every other Friday there was an International Party there, and by God was it easy to get laid if you went and you were foreign. I dyed my hair blonde to look more foreign. Anyway, the international parties are a good place to meet the more intelligent types of girls (is that a good thing?), who are in the late 20's bracket range more often than not, and are ripe for the plucking (I said plucking). This really was my kind of scene. You sit around, introduce yourself to a lady, and just chat away while slowly drinking yourself into oblivion. It's only 1500 Yen for 3 strong drinks, and you do get a big babe turn-out, so this place comes highly recommended by yours truly. Odori - East 7, that is.
Loco Tonte - What a dive, what-a-dive. If you want to see a bunch of shambolic, sad foreigners with 'Desperately need to get laid' written on their forehead, then head off to the shithole that is Loco Tonte. This place has one good point, it has a very nice balcony with a view over King Xhmu's, so at least you can watch all the decent flange go into that place, and dream of the day when you'll be able to afford the entrance fee to go there..No, it has to be said the place is dorky, and despite the fact that it's mainly a gaijin hangout it's small, and it's shit. I met my first Japanese homo in there too.talk to the hand..get away....you're not getting the address.
FOOD
- New York Nuts - Really good but difficult to locate burger joint, probably one of the tastiest burgers I've had in Japan, nay, my life. It's on the second floor of one of the skyscrapers around Odori-Koen but I'll be buggered if I can remember exactly where. When you get there, I recommend the Super Nuts Burger. No, it has nothing to do with bovine genitalia. It's a huge and dirty burger that for 900 yen will be made fresh in front of your eyes and that comes with a myriad of sauces and salads and some mouth-watering fries carved from potato so delicious as to make any Irishman jealous. This is making me hungry just writing about it. It is a fine-tasting meal, but of course, any Englishman will tell you nothing beats the British (or is that Arabic) Doner Kebab, of which none are to be found in Sapporo. God knows how the Japanese have survived thousands of years of Saturday night piss-ups without a kebab to finish it off, those poor tragic plonkers.
- Sapporo Council Building - Underneath every town council in Japan there is usually a restaurant designed for the poor and disenfranchised and Sapporo is no exception. Apparently, this is where all the drunks, bums and losers go for a meal every day, so I felt like I fitted right in. Picture your old school cafeteria, with plump middle-aged ladies screaming at each-other over the loud sound of the dishwasher and you've got the council building cafeteria in Sapporo. There you can pick up a bento-set consisting of the daily Japanese staples of rice, vegetables, and meat all at around 500 Yen or less. This is really good bargain, trust me, and the food I found to be surprisingly delicious. I used to ride my bike down there at around 12 noon when occasionally you'd find sexy civil service girls from upstairs in there having their lunch. And all the bums.
- Denki Shokujo - Yeah I know the name sounds like a gay hair-dresser, but actually in Japanese it translates into 'Electric Diner', but if you're getting images of a road-side cafe run by an inbred called Billy-Bob and his wife Mary-Lou you'll be pleasantly surprised to hear it's actually a cosy old place, far away from the hive of the city (but close to Happy House) and it is just the place to relax with a small glass of sake and feed on the good food and the tranquil atmosphere. With the waiters in kimonos, moody lamps swaying gently in the breeze, the quiet enka music and and age old decoration, you can't help but feel like you're a visiting guest in Japan during feudal days of yore. Good luck finding the bastard though.
- Burger Joints - You know, MacDonalds, and the Korean owned Lotteria. Well, actually thats Ma-ku-do-na-ru-do-zu and Ro-te-ri-a in Japanese pronounciation. I just wanted to mention the differences between theirs and ours. Firstly, I reckon the milkshake taste more powdery. Or maybe that's just me. Secondly, they got teriyaki burgers, which are just plain ol' burgers with teriyaki sauce on (tastes good). Umai!!. But that's about all. Burgers are a little cheaper there than in the UK, so its is a good place to go if you're broke until Monday. You don't need me to tell you where they are in Sapporo as you can't miss them they're that big. One reason I mention these places is that, like any other country, they are always just full of sexy young babes, especially gyaru just using up their money from part-time jobs on burgers and fries and waiting for a handsome gaijin like me to come and practice some abysmal Japanese on them. Yes my friend, many a time I had a burger when I wasn't hungry as I looked into the window of the Susikino Lotteria and saw a pair of dreamy eyed peaches gazing idly back at me. Try those Lotteria burgers - good stuff.
- Bikkuri Donkey - Don't you just love JapEnglish. This one means, 'Surprised Donkey!' - well think about it, wouldn't you be surprised if you were a donkey, and some crazy Japster cook came at you like you were dinner, licking his lips and swinging a machete? Just kidding, it's plain old cows arse served at this place. Tastes pretty good too. Who would've known that I'd have to travel all te way to Japan to have the best god-damn steak I've had in my life. Try the Cheese Cross steak, you'll die and go to heaven. My only complaint is that it's a small meal, really just built for the Japanese appetite, and secondly some Japanese chick once told me that they use worm-meat in those steaks, and despite the fact she was joking it kind of put me off going to Bikkuri ever again. There are Bikkuri Donkey's in Chuo-ku and in Pole Town, the underground town.
  So you've had a cocktail and something to eat, but the fat lady hasn't sung yet. It's about that time you headed on down to the:
  NIGHTCLUBS
  - Club Mirror - First on the list is the newish Club Mirror, which opened around late 99 (It was new when I started Young Dudes anyway). It's located off the main road to Susikino just around South 2, West 2, and has a big cone outside with 'Mirror' written on it so it's not too hard to find. It's got two floors, the first one is kind of like a Chinese style nightclub, with seats around the centre where people can sit and smooch, and a dj doing his thang while drunks dance to the R & B music usually played there. Downstairs is the main dance hall, where you sometimes get some decent dance music and a few nice chicks, not to mention the occasional gaijin sprawling around. I can't say I really liked this place so much. It's worth a try but to be honest, most of the girls who like this kind of place go to Bar Isn't It? which is just that little bit funkier, and, well, I just follow the girls man. Drinks here are a mixture of cocktails and beers, costing around 500 - 700 Yen each. Alright S'ppose. 1000 Yen on the door with a free drink. As a word of warning, I never scored in here, the atmosphere's a bit too relaxed and laid back, and not so full of sexual energy like --
  - Bar Isn't It? - This has to be my favourite place in Sapporo to be honest, I probably would have gone to King Xhmu's more regularily if I'd had the cash but this place is just so shit hot. It's actually a chain around Japan, with Bar Isn't It?'s all around Tokyo and Osaka. It's called Bar Isn't It? but it's friendlier nickname is Easy Girls Isn't It? by all the Japanese guys (Easy Girls Aren't They? just doesn't have that ring to it) and it's one of the more popular spots in Sapporo for students and kogyaru, due to the door price being only 1000 Yen for entry and free drink. This place is well known in Sapporo for being a gaijin club. So you know, that when you go there, probably 85% percent of the girls going there are going there to find foreign boyfriends. I like those frickin' odds man!! Most of the staff are Kiwis or Ozzies so you can always go there and have a chat with them about other places to go to in Sapporo, but they're usually drunk after 2, so don't expect much. My friend Joe works at Isn't it? and she tells me that the gaijin working there are more like a tourist attraction than actual workers so get this: she actually got told not to work so hard. Top this up with free drinks and wicked music all night and you got a bloody good job girl!. This place is just the best, it's got some wicked music, and the most gorgeous babes in Sapporo come here every Friday and Saturday night, so slap my thigh if it ain't the zig-zagadoodiest place in Sapporo.yeehaw!.. Man, I did more than my fair share for 'international relations' in that place, as does any gaijin. The Japanese girls are so sexy, it's so weird when I think about it, because I remember seeing some gaijin girls with blonde hair, who in England would have been chatted up by every guy in the nightclub, but in Japan they're just ignored by all the foreign guys. It's weird man, those are the kind of girls who always think they are something special in their own country, but in Japan they're reduced to the drink in a corner with friends type because the Japanese girls are just so much better looking, and less hassle to chat to. Really, you have to see it to believe it, the roles are just so reversed. Nerd's revenge oh yeeeeaah!!. The best day to go is Saturday night for two reasons a) It's the most packed-out, wild night. b) Japanese girls can be kind of shy to smooch on the dance floor, but on Saturday nights, when it's so packed nobody's looking, and all the lights are going dark and stuff, you can get away with it. I like the drink selection, with cocktails with provocative names like 'Sex on the Beach' and 'Sexy Motherf**ker', so you can shout out subtle things like 'Oi!! Motherf**ker!' to the 6ft 3 bartender, and not get kicked in. Isn't it? is around South 3 West 3 I think. Just look for the Sugai video arcade and cross the road, you can't miss the groups of people going in. (ATTENTION: I recently heard that actually Bar Isn't It's been shut down, or is under new management and has been renamed with AQUA, same place though.)
  - King Xhmu's - King Xhmu's (or King Moos) is the ultimate place to go if you have the dough. The entrace fee ain't cheap, usually around 3000 - 4000 Yen (20 bucks man!! Ouch!) but it's definately worth trying out a few times on Saturday nights. Personally, I reckon it's just a bigger version of Isn't it? So it doesn't really justify the extra cost. Even though you might spot a Japanese celebrity or two visiting Sapporo in here. Also, it's got kind of rip-off deals in there like, you have to buy a cards worth 1000, 3000, or 5000 Yen to buy drinks, and for some strange reason, the 1000 Yen one is always out of order. Weird that eh? So, before you know it, you've spent 6000 Yen just to get the night started. That's a day's work dude! (not that a day's English teaching is what I'd consider work, mind you). But this place rocks man, even the building looks cool. It's weird because I took loads of photo's of all these places in the knowledge that I would start a page when I came back to England, but all of the photo's came out duff. Pisses me off. Anyway, King Xmhu's is like a huge statue of huge African god or something, with the mouth as the door. It's just so cool looking, this should be the Sapporo Monument, not the skanky Clock Tower. I've built sand castles better than the Clock Tower, but the King Xhmu building, now that's a masterpiece. Inside is just as cool aswell, it's all styled like some tribal temple, and as you go up to steps to the thump of the music you're faced with this omnipotent looking demon firing lasers over the crowd from it's eyes. Look down to see babe central dancing the night away. This place is the closest you get to the hectic Tokyo type nightclubs, just grab a girl! A buddy of mine pulled in like, 5 minutes or something, that's how easy it is. A hell of a lot of Gaijin Groupies go here, girls who just chase foreigners and nothing else. Also the fashions for guys change like the clothes, so you might find you have more luck sometimes than other guys if you're a Spanish looking guy (or in fact Spanish) one day, and if you're black the next. It doesn't really matter though, as long as you're foreign and look foreign (tough shit to all Chinese, Koreans etc - they have no luck at all). It's all pretty superficial, good-natured fun! Stick to Isn't it? if you're on a budget though. To find King Xhmu's go down to Rad and then take a right. You can't miss it.
    Well that just about wraps it up for clubs, pubs and stuff. Have fun.