What are they getting up to in the rest of the world?...(07/06/00)

Here's just some of the really weird stuff I heard about places on the grape-vine during my travels. I think maybe a lot of the more educated of you might already know about this kind of wordly stuff, but I'm a bit dense personally, and only pick it up through talking to people. I apologise in advance for talking about political crap (trust me, if anyone hates politics it's me) but this is interesting.

Chinese are only allowed to have one child per family, for obvious population reasons, they need to lessen the amount of people in China. It used to be okay to have lot's of kids, as strong farm-hands were needed, but not these days. If they have more than one child, they're given a huge fine. So often the rich don't give a shit, as they can afford it.

If you like tall Chinese girls go to north China, there's a lot of Russian blood flowing around, and henceforth, the people up there look a little different and are definitely taller.

Well, you remember that Tianemen Square event? Just in case you didn't know, that was when a whole group of Chinese students protested against the government in China, and it all went haywire and hundreds of them were killed by the army and stuff for doing so. It was pretty unbelievable and evil, and plastered all over the front page of every newspaper in the world. Okay then, get this.

Chinese in China actually don't know about it!

Really, talk to anyone else in the world, and they'll say, "Oh yeah, that was nasty business wasn't it? All those students massacred, bloody hell.". But mention it to a Chinese in China and they'll be like "What? Students were actually killed?! That's not true!"... I mean, they know that there was some large student protest in Tianemen Square, and they've perhaps heard through word of mouth that some students may have been shot - but dismissed that as a laughable rumour. They really have no idea of the scale of events like that in China.
Because the government is so powerful, it can control the papers, the news broadcasts, everything. Before that event, China could get the BBC, NBC and everything. Now they're not allowed such channels, as they would be able to find out what is going on in their country if that happened. They have no way to receive information, and any slander against China - true as it may actually be, is destroyed, and any-body who publically speaks against China, runs the risk of mysteriously dissapearing soon after. To top that, the Chinese government has a huge department to deal specifically with the handling of information coming into and out of China. Chinese students abroad are watched from China, their phone calls are tapped, their parcels are often opened, with an accompanying letter saying that they were damaged through the post. Anything to stop people spreading the word about Chinese history, or it's current bad-doings. Even the internet is controlled, and if this page were in Chinese, and you tried to log onto it in China, you might get the message "Content Forbidden", if the government had filtered it first. Amazing isn't it?
You really can't trust any information that comes out of China because it's completely controlled by the government. China could be the most crime-infested place on the earth for all we know, because the government would change the crime-rate records to put it in a good light, and show that China had hardly any crime.

A Chinese guy I know said that when he came to England, he saw some news clips of the whole Tianemen event and he was shocked beyond belief. He'd heard rumours about it, but didn't think it was true. To see students and middle-class all running and on the floor dead, with tanks and riot police and stuff. He said he didn't want to believe it could happen in China. I find it pretty fascinating that such things can happen in such a huge place, with more than a billion people. You have to respect their government for being able to control them like that. Poor Hong Kong was okay until it lost British rule, but now they're starting to shit themselves as communism rolls in. Taiwan want to believe that they're independant, but if they tried anything, they'd probably be attacked from the main-land. I had some pals from Hong Kong who said they weren't gonna go back, they'd rather risk living illegally in China Town.

So the reason the people don't do anything, is that they just don't care enough about it, and life in China is improving. It's a good place in the way that it depends largely on agriculture, which is in abundance over there, and thus keeps above board them through economic crisis's that bugger up the rest of the world. And they have people everywhere in the world. I mean, let's face it, they're so many hot Chinese babes out there, that if you don't end up marrying one some day, you know it's gonna be one of your future generation that will do. Give it another half a millenium, and we'll all be mixed Chinese probably. That's something to be proud of, even if there are a lot of narrow-minded people over there, there's an equal amount of good ones. And the food's nice isn't it? Mind you it can't beat Japanese or Korean in my opinion.
Little things make it easier to live in China as long as you keep your mouth shut. I watched that Red Corner movie with Richard Gere in it and was surprised to find out from a Chinese buddy that actually the movie is completely true. He said the movie is banned in China. Chinese don't care about what would happen to a foreigner if he commited a vicious crime in China, or even bad-mouthed China politics in public. Lot's of foreigners got kicked in Tianemen square, maybe even killed. But we wouldn't know about it. A foreigner who commits a serious crime in China would most likely be killed unless he could get to an embassy of some sort before his arrest. If not, the cost of the execution would be mailed to his family. So I said to Chinese pals, 'Yeah but, China can't go popping off foreigners for things like that when they please, they'd cause a war, the USA and Europe would combine against them, and reform the government to be democratic like they did with Japan after WWII.'.. The Chinese governmentknow this. So that's the reason China always wishes to join the WTO, which will mean other countries in it cannot declare war against them, but they are never allowed to do so for the reason mentioned before. Tricky people eh? Smart but not as smart as they think. If there ever is a WWIII, then it'll be most likely against China, or so it seems.

The thing that really makes you snigger is that Chinese will defend their country without logic if you say anything bad against it. No joke! Try it! It's quite laughable, they really believe that they're country is superior to every other, it's a huge inferiority complex they have, present in the lion's share of the population. Just say China sucks and watch them go mental, even if you give them the facts. The reason is, of course, if you were Chinese, and lived in a country where you have a government that will shoot any news-reporter who say's anything terrible about China, then you're going to think that your country is seemingly perfect too, aren't you? And if you go abroad, and suddenly people start to say the bad shit about China, you'd think it was all lies and defend against it, thinking that everybody was against you. So take it easy on the brain-washed Chinsters, they're not thick, but just rather heavily bull-shitted to. Wise up Chinese dudes..eh? (Cue my front door being kicked in and a b//unch of Red Guards coming up the stairs to blow my brains out). I'm not trying to get at Chinese in this page, but really, the stuff above really make me glad that I'm a Limey. Not that living in England is great, it sucks, high alchohol and cigarette tax, and a lot of us Brits are about as culturally aware as this chair I'm sitting on. But hey, we could be like the Yanks, who're doing a hell of a lot of damage with Hollywood right now, constantly re-writing history by making movies which are blatantly historically incorrect. There's a new movie coming out now, which is all about a completely British event in the war, and it's breaking Box-Office records in the States now. It's okay because it just re-affirms the European rumour that Yanks are not exactly the most thoughtful and intelligent race, who often have nothing better to do than to find the most internationally un-sensitive way to make a quick buck. Hey! If you've got no history, steal someone else's!. I'm surprised there isn't a law against it//. So that's another shitty thing about the UK, I guess we don't have the balls to do anything about it. Shit if I was Tony Blair there'd be international meetings going on right now. The thing that bothers me is that some kid in Malaysia or something is gonna watch that movie and actually believe that Americans did everything in the war, where else us Europeans just sat on our arses. So, my point is, who's worse, the Chinese for lying to their own people? Or the 'peace-loving-pat-ourselves-on-the-back' Americans who want to erase everybody else's history? It doesn't matter to me, as I've met a lot of smart people from both sides who're aware of the defenciencies of their societies, and well, maybe one day one of those types of guys'll become head of the government. Then we'll see some action. Plus I know I can hardly be patriotic anyhow, as I'm planning to go ex-pat in the next few years. Then I can just chill out and not care about the next big movie to come out in the USA '1066, an American Victory'.

Oh yeah, this'll make you laugh. A friend was telling me how he once ate monkey's brains. Yep, that scene in Indiana Jones isn't made up. Don't read on if you cringe easily. It's not a common thing in China, but it happens occasionally at conventions. It's quite gourmet, and the monkeys don't come cheap. A lot of guys do it to prove they're 'real' men, as it takes a lot of guts to eat the monkeys brains. Apparently at first, the monkey is brought to the table still alive, then it's pushed under, and it's fore-head goes into a small hole, and is tied to the table. Then (oh this is making me cringe just writing it) the skull is cracked sharply with a hammer, and pulled off from the head. But the monkey's still alive even though by this time, all the monkey's are screaming, which is a really high-pitched pathetic squeal that causes a lot of the 'real' men to run off. Then, boiling hot herbed oil is poured onto the brain, causing steam to rise, which kills the monkey as the steam rises from the brain, and makes the consistency of the brain more mushy. Sometimes, if the head wasn't tied down properly, you can see the eyes of the monkey roll back into their sockets. Next you simply take a spoon and dig in. My buddy say's it's actually bloody tasty! (not that I'd go for it) very soft, and more like a pudding than a meal.
If that whole paragraph doesn't make you wanna go 'euuuuuuuuwwwww' then you've got problems buddy. Or your a mad monkey eating Chinster. Give me a Lotteria cheese-burger any day. So, write to me if you think any of the above is crap, but I've heard it all from Chinese guys around the world, so some of it's gotta be true wouldn't ya say?.


Wanna hear something that'll put you off eating cheeseburgers in Japan? well, I heard that in Bikkuri Donkey restaurants, the main ingredient is not cows meat, but in fact...worm meat. Yep, you heard it here first. An exclusive source within the industry has revealed to me that this is one of the main sources of cheap cows-meat substitute, and is used extensively in Bikkuri's steaks. No wonder that bloody donkey was surprised...
Here's how to test if your burger is a worm burger. Cut it up into small pieces and search for tiny cartillage-soft ring. You see, worms have a ring that is a little bit tougher and more resistent to the Bikkuri blender around their heart, and this can often be detected in a steak once in a while. Don't believe me? I've heard of people going up to the management and complaining about their steak, getting nowhere until they mentioned the magic ingredient. It was then that they were bribed off for around 40,000 yen to "keep the piece"..well, doubt me if you will, but you know me guys, I got it from a VERY reliable source.

1) In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

2) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

3) Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

4) The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder which head?)

5) There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

6) In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

7) Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)

8) In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)

9) In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I gather this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

10) In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? ...Not as great as Guam!)

Hahaha..well..sorry I had to remove some of the stuff on this page about Arabic guys wiping their arses with their hands instead of toilet paper, as it offended a few of them out there..so...lotta people with no sense of humour out there that's all I can say. Back to the Main page